The Effect Of Addiction On The Family

Posted on December 20, 2016 by dr-admin

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA’s) 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 21.5 million people aged 12 years and above had a substance use disorder, including drug and/or alcohol addictions. Substance abuse and addiction exert a huge impact on the family life of countless individuals who suffer from the devastating effects of these addictions. Far too many of these people do not receive the help they need in order to overcome these problems in their daily lives and subsequently, their families suffer alongside of them.

How Does Addiction Affect Family Life?

When a family member has a drug or alcohol addiction, they have a disease that has the power to affect and hurt their entire family, including parents, children, brothers, sisters, grandparents, or any family member who is a part of their life. An addiction can cause tension, miscommunication, and more frequent arguments within a household, raising the stress levels and negativity off all who are within this unhealthy atmosphere.

The unpredictability of a family member who compulsively takes drugs or drinks alcohol can cause anxiety, emotional pain, stress, and a loss of trust, because that individual often can’t be counted on to follow through with what they say. Job instability, late nights, and erratic and abnormal behavior may all result from an addiction in a way that damages a family’s foundation. The addicted individual can get unfocused, forgetful, or distracted, as more often than not, their mind is solely on their addiction.

Due to these things, surrounding family members may have to take on greater responsibilities, causing even more strain and a variety of negative emotions, like blame, resentment, hate, anger, and even fear. As trust continues to falter, family members are on edge as they strive to stay aware of the different lies their addicted family member may create to explain or deny their behaviors. Together, these situations create an altered and damaged family dynamic.

Damaging Family Ties

No two families are the same in America. From single-parent families, stepfamilies, foster families, and multigenerational families, the family dynamic each addicted individual experiences is vastly different. Because of this, there are numerous, diverse ways that addiction can impact a family and its individual members, including by creating situations of:

Financial instability — A family member may have to be on guard for theft, as addicted individuals may steal money or valuables to pawn in an attempt to finance their addiction. A person may not be able to fulfill their job responsibilities due the the effects of their addiction, to the extent that they lose their job. If this happens, their family may suffer from lack of heat, food, electricity, or even a roof over their heads. In other cases, they may not have money for these essentials, as they spent it on drugs or alcohol.

Isolation — Drugs and alcohol exert a heavy influence on a person’s cognitive functioning, judgement, and sense of inhibition, thus the addicted family member may say and/or do things which can greatly embarrass a family, to the extent that they withdraw from family or social activities, causing an extreme sense of isolation. Some family members may also choose to distance themselves from their addicted loved one, due to this embarrassment or an inability to cope with the situation.

Enabling — A hallmark of addiction within a family dynamic, enabling behaviors allow the addicted individual to continue forward in their destructive patterns of abuse, due to the way a family member’s actions protect them from the consequences. Many times, the enabler will actually feel as if they’re helping the person, when in reality they are perpetuating the addiction by not allowing their loved one to experience the harmful results of their addictive behaviors.

Codependency — This dysfunctional relationship is very commonplace within families and heavily linked to patterns of enabling. Oxford Dictionaries defines it as “Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one with an illness or addiction who requires support.” Essentially, the family member without the addiction begins to draw their sense of self-worth by becoming reliant on their role of providing care for their addicted loved one.Struggles for adult children — Some adults may become dependent on the relationship of their grown children in an unhealthy way. This can create a harmful dynamic for everyone involved, to the extent that it inhibits both the adult child’s ability to effectively live their own life in a fulfilling and productive way and the parent’s capacity for fully focusing on their own concerns. This may occur if the parent or child suffers from the addiction.

Continuing familial damage — A SAMHSA publication, “Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy,” informs us that the negative repercussions of addiction within a family can linger for many generations. Specifically that “Intergenerational effects of substance abuse can have a negative impact on role modeling, trust, and concepts of normative behavior, which can damage the relationships between generations.” In example, a child raised by a parent who has an addiction may end up being an overbearing parent who doesn’t allow their children independence or freedom of expression.

The Devastating Impact On Children

If a parent or family member has an addiction it greatly impacts children of all ages and they commonly suffer or get hurt in some respect. When a person has an addiction, they may forget to care for the needs of their child, as the pursuit of finding and using more substances or the resulting illness these substances may cause, may detract from their responsibilities. The absence of the parent in the child’s life can create problems, as they may no longer be attuned to their child’s needs. They may fail to provide basic and necessary care, such as providing or preparing meals, keeping their child clean, or attending to any other important needs such as schoolwork or concerns of social problems.

A child may be forced to care for these essential needs for either themselves or their siblings on their own. According to the SAMHSA publication, these behaviors may be even more prevalent in children of single-parent households, to the extent that “children are likely to behave in a manner that is not age‐appropriate to compensate for the parental deficiency.” What this essentially means, is that they may create a wall of denial to keep themselves from dealing with the reality of their parent’s addiction, by attempting to step up and act as the role of the parent, provider, or caregiver.

Safety is also a huge concern for these children, as an addicted individual may not be focused or aware enough to keep their children from accidents or other adults who may wish their children harm. They may not also be attuned enough to take action and get help, should these events arise. If criminal activities are committed within the child’s home, such as dealing drugs, a child experiences the risk of their parent ending up behind bars. In more severe cases, the child may be forced to take part in these criminal acts, in a way that damages their trust, jeopardizes their lives, and causes them to live in an even greater state of fear and instability.

Substance abuse and addiction has been implicated in an increased risk of child abuse. Subsequently, children of abuse have been shown to have greater rates of substance use disorders later in life. Paired with the fact that a child of an addicted individual may already face increased rates of addiction, this detrimental environment may be altering their life for the long term. As the child grows up with these constant fears and problems, their emotional and mental health may be compromised in a way that impacts their schooling, self-confidence, social development, and overall health and well being.

What Are Some Of The Effects On Parent-Child Relationships?

Beyond the aforementioned ways, an addiction can actually shape the way a parent interacts with their child and vice versa; these behaviors may manifest with children of any age, including adults. The SAMHSA publication speaks of various negative or harmful patterns that may be prevalent within a family when a parent or child suffers from an addiction. They include:

Negativism — Family members primarily communicate in a way that is geared towards creating a negative and harmful environment, by complaining, condemning, or making other disparaging remarks towards each other. A atmosphere can hover over the household and positive reinforcement is often overlooked. In some cases, the only way to get any attention is to create an emotional upheaval, which further strengthens the negative cycle of drug or alcohol abuse.
Parental inconsistency — If a parent or child is addicted, the child can become confused if boundaries are not set, rules are not clearly delineated, and discipline is not enforced, creating a rocky family structure. Because of this lack of clarity, a child may act out to see if their parents will give them a sense of stability by putting up better boundaries. As SAMHSA points out, the importance of these perimeters are immense, as they state “Without known limits, children cannot predict parental responses and adjust their behavior accordingly.”
Parental denial — When faced with clear indicators of abuse or addiction, a parent may still exhibit patterns of denial, asserting that there is no cause for concern and that their child does not have a problem. These mindsets may continue even after various authorities attempt to counter this perception with evidence.
Miscarried expression of anger — A child or a parent who develops strong emotions towards their toxic and emotionally unstable home life may find that they are unable or fearful of demonstrating their deep anger. As they suppress these feelings, they may sometimes turns to drugs or alcohol to deal with their own pent up thoughts or emotions.
Self‐medication — This is when a parent or a child further opens the door for drug or alcohol abuse, as they continue to self-medicate in an attempt to deal with the emotions or mental health concerns that may result from this environment.
Unrealistic parental expectations — If a child is confronted with unattainable, high expectations from their parents, the child may shun their responsibilities by citing that they are unable to fulfill them due to their addiction. On the other hand, they may exhaust themselves trying to surpass their parent’s expectations, as they feel that they are never able to please their parents or fulfill their hopes. In other circumstances, if a parent expects too little and a child is constantly told they won’t succeed, the child may fall prey to the negative projections their parents constantly spoke over them.
As you can see, in the face of addiction, the parent-child dynamic can be drastically and detrimentally altered, calling for a positive intervention that can initiate healing of the strained family unit.

Overcoming Denial

Many times people who are addicted don’t even realize or believe they are causing such havoc within their families. Unfortunately, they don’t often view themselves as sick or suffering from a problem, so they don’t reach out for help or treatment. Because of this, they many times don’t see with open eyes the issues they are creating with their loved ones, whereas family members may be very aware of the intensity and scope of the problem. Sadly, some family members may be so drained, discouraged, confused, or unsure of how to talk to a person with an addiction, that they don’t reach out for help. It doesn’t have to be this way. Fortunately, a variety of treatment programs exist that encompass family therapy and support, to help you rebuild and nurture your family.

Reach Out For Help

If you or your family is suffering from an addiction problem, please contact us today for help. Reach out and receive the support that’s needed and help not only yourself but future generations. Contact us at DrugRehab.org today.

Sources

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration — Behavioral Health Trends in the United States: Results from the 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health
National Institute on Drug Abuse — Drug Use Hurts Kids
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration — Core Competencies for Clergy and Other Pastoral Ministers in Addressing Alcohol and Drug Dependence and the Impact on Family Members
The National Center for Biotechnology Information — Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy: Chapter 2 Impact of Substance Abuse on Families

5 Signs You Are Enabling A Family Member’s Drug Addiction

Posted on August 8, 2016 by dr-admin

Being a family member to a loved one who struggles with an addiction can place large amounts of stress on you. It is important to keep perspective and balance your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions in a manner that is healthy for both yourself and your loved one. Sometimes, it is easy to become overwhelmed by your emotions or the situation to a point that you begin making choices that can be detrimental to both yourself and your family member. In some cases, these behaviors and actions may actually contribute to your family member’s struggles and the addiction itself. This is called enabling.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse cites that “Enabling behavior occurs when another person, often a codependent, helps or encourages the addict to continue using drugs, either directly or indirectly.” When you enable a person with an addiction, you are aiding them in continuing within their addiction, and are in most cases disabling them from witnessing both the immediate and long-term effects of their drug or alcohol use by protecting them from the damage it is causing.

Here we explain five of the most common and detrimental forms of enabling that a family member might engage in.

Financial enabling:

In the majority of instances, a drug or alcohol addiction takes money. As a person’s use and tolerance increases, they find that they require more of the drug or alcohol to feel the desired effect. Again, in most cases, this requires more money. A person might try to obtain this money by various means, including stealing or lying. In both instances, you’re often in a position to either acknowledge the situation or look the other way and let the behavior continue.

Examples include when a person steals things from around the house, from you, or from others to pawn for money or to trade for the substance. More commonly perhaps is when the addicted person approaches you and asks for money for seemingly benign or essential things—food, rent or mortgage payments, medical expenses, or college tuition—and you give them the money.

In many cases, a person may never have intended on using the money they obtained from you for these purposes—from the get-go they may have planned on using the funds to obtain more of their drug of choice. On the other hand, the person may have really wanted and used the money for its rightful purpose. Even then, by giving them money you are enabling their addiction. Imagine that you’re adding to a fund that will in some way pay toward drugs, whether by using your money directly or by saving their own for drugs when you’ve given them money to relieve them of their financial responsibilities. Either way, you’re contributing to easy-access drug use.

In addition to the amount of money needed to fuel the addiction, the addiction itself leads a person to let other elemental aspects of their life fall to the wayside. They might begin to let their vocational, educational, and personal responsibilities deteriorate. By giving them money to cover these things, you are freeing up their other finances to be used towards their addiction. You are also insulating them from experiencing the full impact and weight of their bad judgement. By giving them money they do not fully encountered the devastation that is occurring at the expense of their drug or alcohol habit.

Enabling by relieving consequences:

Drug and alcohol addiction carries a host of consequences. Sadly, many times a person’s family members may unwittingly enable the person as they strive to alleviate the strain that the drugs or alcohol exerts on their lives. This can be very difficult for a person to recognize, as they are often motivated by love, concern, or support.

Regardless of your reasons, shielding a person from the repercussions of their addiction only helps to further perpetuate the cycle. The greater distance a person has from the effects of their drug or alcohol abuse, the less of a chance that they will realize the dire nature of their situation.

Examples include taking on additional responsibilities or tasks to compensate for the decreased or even nonexistent role that the addicted person has, such as assuming an increased role in parenting, household chores, and financial planning or obligations.

Family members might find that they themselves begin to lie to cover up their loved one’s behaviors. They might explain an absence or “sickness” as something other than it is—a direct result of a person’s drug or alcohol abuse.

Using the substance around addicted person:

It can be very hard to have a partner who struggles with an addiction. This is for many reasons, but many times a partner may struggle with having to moderate or stop their own use of the problem drug or alcohol. Perhaps it is something that the two of you did together within a social setting. Now you might feel as if you’re not able to have the fun or freedom that you once had, to the point that your judgement might become clouded.

One example is alcohol use. Oftentimes, the partner of someone who struggles with an alcohol addiction will continue to drink and may even keep drinking alcohol around the person addicted or keep alcohol in the house. Not only does this provide the person struggling with greater access, temptation, and potential triggers, but it can make them feel as if you’re not entirely behind them, or that you don’t take their needs seriously.

Sometimes, a person may even drink or use drugs with their partner or spouse, convincing themselves either that they’re going to do it anyways or that with your support, the person will really be able to reduce the quantity or frequency of their use. This sends mixed signals and puts your loved one directly in the face of danger, the danger of perpetuating the drug use.

Ignoring, denying, making excuses:

Confronting a person with an addiction is no easy task. Often, family members have made attempts in the past that have not had favorable outcomes. This becomes emotionally and mentally exhausting to the point that some people become resigned and begin to believe that the behavior is beyond their control. Ultimately, an addicted person must commit themselves to their recovery, however, this is not to say that as a family member you do not exert an influence toward their behaviors.

Many people are afraid of the confrontation that will result if they acknowledge this situation. They might worry that the stress of the encounter could drive their family member to further abuse drugs or alcohol, shut them out, or that they might simply be overwhelmed and unable to find the words to have the conversation.

Sometimes people look the other way because they are too worn down to confront the intense emotions that might accompany these conversations. Some people may even begin to convince themselves that the addiction isn’t as bad as it seems and tell themselves that they are blowing things out of proportion.

Going hand-in-hand with this is the act of making excuses. If a person has a stressful job or life circumstance, you might find yourself saying that they are really overwhelmed right now, and that when things settle down their substance abuse and addiction will decrease or stop altogether. If a person is shy, you might tell yourself that they only use a substance to help themselves become more outgoing or engaging. If they are hungover or sick after using drugs or alcohol, you might convince yourself that it really is just a headache or other physical ailment due to a different cause.

Believing addicted loved one can resolve addiction alone:

This is in effect a more extended form of denial and avoidance. Often, a person with an addiction really does want to succeed and become sober. That is to say when they tell you that they don’t want to use anymore or that it’s the last time, a large part of them really believes it, but the reality is that the substance has such a dominating effect on them mentally, physically, and emotionally, that it is often very difficult to follow through on these statements without a form of assistance.

A family member may believe these statements out of fear or hope, even out of exhaustion. Sometimes a person is so worn down from dealing with the day-to-day implications and complications of the drug use that they don’t have the energy to try anymore; these statements provide them with an easy way out.

Other times, a person might simply be so overwhelmed from shouldering the burdens and worry incurred by their family member’s addiction that their reasoning and decision making abilities are compromised. Whatever the reason, know this—an addiction is very hard to combat on one’s own, in many cases treatment or rehabilitation might be the difference between continued drug or alcohol use and finally finding sobriety.

Learning How To Stop Enabling Behaviors

The difficult thing about enabling behaviors is that some of them don’t outright appear to be detrimental to your family member. In fact, many of them may outwardly seem to be an action or statement that is helpful or supportive. Sometimes, when you have been steeped in this situation and cycle for a prolonged period of time, it is difficult for you to recognize that you are enabling a person and to differentiate between what are helpful behaviors versus those that are unhealthful.

Being the family member of a person who struggles with a drug and/or alcohol addiction can be a very physically, mentally, and emotionally trying ordeal, one that can deplete your energy, morale, focus, and perception to the point that it clouds your judgement and distorts the situation.

In these circumstances, you yourself might benefit from seeking the support and guidance of therapy. In addition to this, programs exist solely for the purpose of aiding family members in traversing these tumultuous waters. Some examples include Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. These programs will provide you with a venue by which you can share your experiences and hear those of others—granting perspectives that foster hope and perseverance, while also teaching you skills to help you cope and stand your ground.

Within these programs you will have an opportunity to speak to other people who have encountered situations or struggles similar to yours. This will help you to see that you are not alone, while aiding you in finding the strength and perspective that is necessary to to be resilient and supportive family member during your family member’s time of need and beyond.

Enabling During The Threat Of Relapse

As a person walks through their recovery, they and their family must consider the possibility of relapse. Whether it be drugs or alcohol, the chance of relapse is present for anyone who has struggled with an addiction. As a family member, this is a crucial time, one during which your interaction and support can greatly influence how a person reacts to the situations that might incite their cravings. Here, too, your actions can enable a person in moving towards relapse, or on the other hand, your mindfulness and resolve can aid them in staying strong and steadfast within their recovery journey.

During recovery, it can be easy for both the individual recovering and the family members to get comfortable, less attentive, or undisciplined. This can open up a potentially dangerous territory. As you both become less attentive and lackadaisical about the situation, you might become less apt to notice problematic or tempting thoughts, emotions, actions, or situations that might outright be a trigger or evolve into one.

Lastly, you might convince yourself that they’ve been sober long enough to allow for a small measure of drug or alcohol use. This can be because you desire the company or camaraderie or because you’re afraid of causing a confrontation when things have finally been better between you. For many people, all it takes is a small foray back into substance use to set the stage for relapse and a renewed addiction.

Find The Strength To Offer Your Loved One Support Today

Contending with a loved one’s drug or alcohol addiction can be a very daunting and exhausting process. It is something that can affect most every aspect of your life and deplete your mental, emotional, and even physical wellbeing. As much you love your family member and ultimately desire to see him well, you might not be supporting him in a manner that is conducive to success. At DrugRehab.org, we can help you to find the clarity and answers that both you and your family member deserves. Contact us today and start getting the help you need.