Day Job:
Administrative work for an insurance company; some freelance writing

What I lost to addiction:
I lost big chunks of time, literally, when I was drinking or thinking about when I could drink or how I could hide it. I missed events where I knew I couldn’t drink, but most of all I missed out on the joy of living an ordinary life. I didn’t have the energy or desire to do anything after work but come home and drink. I wasted a lot of years that way.

At my worst, I was:
Secretive and filled with self-loathing and regret but unable to change because I hadn’t put it together that drinking was the problem. As long as I kept drinking, I got that temporary relief but then the hellish cycle started all over again the next morning.

What worked for me:
I started seeing a counselor and went to 12 step meetings for my first year and a half sober. I had also started a sober blog in my first year and over time found that a better fit as a working mom. I also love to write, so looking back I realize how perfect it all was. There are some really great support networks online.

Advice to my younger self:
I would tell myself to worry less what others think because no one is paying that much attention. I would encourage myself to write more and join the cross country team and choose wisely when it comes to friends and who I spend time with. I like to think if I had a stronger sense of myself back then, I wouldn’t have been so drawn to alcohol.

Rules I live by:
Sleep is very important to me and I exercise at least a few times a week. I love running but walking is good too. I still remind myself at least weekly to look for the next right thing to do. I try to treat others with compassion and kindness, especially when I find myself irritated and negative.

My rock bottom moment:
I used to get terrible hangovers with nausea, palpitations, and panic. I think they were really withdrawal symptoms, but one time I had to travel to another state with my kids and had a hangover-induced panic attack while driving over a really long bridge. I thought I was dying and my kids were in the back seat. I still drank for a few more months, but I’ll never forget that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.

When cravings come:
I eat something and drink a big glass of water. I lay down in my bed and read. I lace up and go out for a run or walk. I email a friend. I spend time with my kids, who always get me out of my own head.

Best advice for newbies:
Try meetings, whether in your town or online. Buy or check out some sober memoirs (Dry by Augusten Burroughs and Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp are two of my favorites). Check out a few sober blogs and forums online (and leave comments – that’s how I made sober friends that I still have). Stock up on some of your favorite treats for the early days. I used to make myself these super sweet iced coffees when I got home from work, my own little happy hour. A few months in, I started working out after work so I’d have something else to look forward to instead of just coming home and feeling that void.

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