What I lost to addiction:
I lost everything . . . family and friends wanted nothing to do with me. They were waiting for the knock on the door with a police officer telling them I was gone. Frankly, the first emotion they would have felt would have been relief. I do not blame them, given the trouble that was caused to them. All material possessions were gone. I was unemployed and unemployable. However, the greatest loss was the loss of my self-esteem. I could not stand myself.
My rock bottom moment:
Suicide was constantly on my mind – with a few feeble attempts. After I was told I did not have much time, I could not stand the thought that my three boys would have to live their lives knowing their father had died a drunk.
What worked for me:
First, learning to become a little humble and listen to those who had gained recovery. I slowly started to believe that I too could recover. I surrounded myself with recovering people, took a deep personal inventory of my attitudes and behaviors and became open to growing along spiritual lines.
What I learned about myself:
While I was out there using I was full of anxiety, suffered from low self-esteem, emotional immaturity and was narcissistic. On the other hand, underneath all that was a decent, compassionate man. The more I reflected on my life and attitudes and was willing to change, that man came forward.
Thoughts on reducing stigma:
Get involved with the Recovery Awareness Month, September, through Faces and Voices of Recovery and the Silver Ribbon campaign. Inform leaders in your community of this profile site and that recovery is indeed a reality and that those in recovery can become very productive members of society.
Be prepared to stand up and be counted by letting people know you are in recovery. Encourage people you know to also identify. If you are concerned about anonymity, you do not need to say how you reached sobriety –just that you have. The point is, the more people who are aware of those of us in recovery, the less stigma there will be.
When cravings come:
Be prepared knowing that cravings can and do occur. Make sure you have telephone numbers of others in recovery. Call them for support, whenever you have cravings or any emotional upset. Above all, be honest with yourself and them. This can be life and death stuff.
What I value most in recovery:
I value being part of the solution rather than part of the problem. One of the basic messages my mentors gave to me was Jeff, “you have to give it away to keep it’. I have attempted to do so. I will be eternally grateful that relationships have been healed, material possessions have been abundant and that I have contributed to society. Most importantly, I have regained my self-respect and the respect of others.
Proudest moment:
When having a man-to-man talk with my grandson, he informed me that his teacher asked him to write an essay on his hero. He said, “I wrote about you, you are my hero”. That is recovery!
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
What I lost to addiction:
Cash – thousands of pounds, short-term memory loss
At my worst, I was:
Hospitalized in intensive care. My wife had to carry on the day-to-day running of the business as well as visiting me in hospital. Luckily, I had great support and didn’t experience homelessness.
What worked for me:
UK Smart Recovery
Advice to my younger self:
Control alcohol before it controls you – there is no getting away from it. It is everywhere.
Rules I live by:
To abstain from alcohol, be honest and straight with my wife.
On my bucket list:
Nothing really. Now that I am free of alcohol, I can do or go where I want within reason. Self-actualization, awareness and well-being are more important to me.
Favorite recovery quote:
“It’s hard when you have to and easy when you want to” ~ Anonymous
When cravings come:
Don’t have many now, but I did have a small lapse some time ago, don’t know why. I learned from it to be always on guard. Fortunately, my wife is involved with friends and family and we worked it out together.
On my schedule today:
Run my business, clean the carpets and sort out the cellar
Best advice for newbies:
You have to want to do this. Get mentally prepared for the long haul, it’s not easy.
What saves me from myself:
The ability to understand that I do not drink anymore.
What I learned about myself:
I am a fallible human being.
I get inspired by:
My wife’s leadership and her understanding of what I went through
Proudest moment:
To say “I love you” and mean it.
What I value most in recovery:
The freedom of life and the freedom to live.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
What I lost to addiction:
My mother, due to gang-related violence and drug activity. My wife. My son, who grew up without me. My business. I lost 12 years of my life while incarcerated.
When cravings come:
I turn to God.
Advice to my younger self:
Avoid the ‘It Can’t Happen To Me’ ism.” If I had paid attention and realized how I was harming myself and those around me, if I understood that drugs were more powerful than me and that, yes, I could be one of those people whose life is destroyed by bad choices, drugs and gangs, I would have not taken the path I did.
Rules I live by:
Jesus Christ is my savior and truth
Every waking moment, I will do what I can to end addiction, get people into treatment and save lives from this horrible pandemic
Prevention is key. My mission is to reach youth and young adults before they make bad decisions and find themselves on a path of pain and destruction.
Best advice for newbies:
For youth and young adults: Don’t ever start. Cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana ARE gateway substances to harder, more addicting drugs. If you find yourself in a vulnerable situation, talk to your parents, or someone you trust. It can happen to YOU!
For the young or new addict: It will never get better until you make the choice to end your addiction. Do whatever you can to find help now!
On my schedule today:
Speaking to middle school youth, then serving as keynote speaker for the Positive Youth Coalition in New Jersey – joining the community to keep youth on a positive path. Invited speaker at Mercer County Prison, then attending a board meeting for an addiction prevention organization
I get inspired by:
Kids telling me that they were impacted by my message, that I changed their life. Knowing that I am making a difference. Saving lives from addiction.
Follow Michael: Steered Straight; michaeldeleonrecovery.com
on Facebook at michael.deleon.5030
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
At my worst, I was:
A lying liar who abused friends and family for my personal gain.
What worked for me:
I went to a 12-step program for a few meetings. I focused on one day at a time and those days have added up to 15 years. I read a lot about recovery and changed the people, places and things in my life that needed to be changed.
Advice to my younger self:
Be honest. Brutally honest to yourself. Be willing to ask for help. Drinking a lot doesn’t make you cool or respected.
Rules I live by:
Be good, be honest, have integrity, be someone your kids can look up to, be someone your family respects, have fun.
On my bucket list:
Be a great spouse and parent. Take one day at a time.
When cravings come:
When I go with friends to a bar, I always get a soda right away. I have shared my story with friends and family and they are all so supportive that they never pressure me. Any time I have ever been pressured, I immediately put those people into a “not-a-friend” list.
Best advice for newbies:
One day at a time. Just don’t use today. Don’t try to think of a 30 day or 60 day goal. Just think of a today goal.
What I value most in recovery:
My family life. I have a beautiful family that I never would have had without sobriety.
Stigma I faced:
I think they were all fake stigmas. Self-imposed and not accurate. I thought everyone would judge me as being weak and giving up or look at me funny. They never have, and frankly, I don’t care that much if they do. I am healthier and happier sober.
What I learned about myself:
I am awesome. I am someone that can be respected and that can be a positive influence on others.
I get inspired by:
My students inspire me. I like being able to show college students that you don’t need alcohol in your life to have fun, take risks, and be vulnerable.
Proudest moment:
Getting married and having kids. Being a good dad and spouse.
Thoughts on relapse:
Not really an option for me. I don’t think it is an option and therefore, it isn’t. One day at a time. Just don’t have a drink today.
On finding purpose:
Keep looking for purpose. It is out there somewhere, you need a clear head to find it.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
Venekamp writes on the Face It Together website.
]]>What I lost to addiction:
I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I found myself at a bottom I had never known. I lost the love of my life to a life sentence in prison.
At my worst, I was:
I grew up in and out of foster care because my mother was addicted to heroin. I lost custody of my children because of drug use and I was in a physically abusive relationship. I went to prison for the first time at the age of 19. I have been to prison 7 times and have done a total of 9 years.
Favorite recovery quote:
“I am not a victim of circumstances. I am a survivor of my past.”
What worked for me:
I went through a program called The Haven and the staff introduced me to A.A. The Haven taught me that I was worth it and Alcoholics Anonymous shows me a blue print for living.
Advice to my younger self:
Life will not always be filled with abuse, neglect, and pain. The time will come when you have to suit up and show up to give hope and strength. You will be the rose that grew from concrete.
Rules I live by:
Always try to do the next right thing. Try to be better today than I was yesterday. Surround myself with others who have been through the same struggle and have common goals in mind.
Best advice for newbies:
Try to find the similarities rather than the differences in regard to others in recovery. Reach out as much as possible and try new things. Often when we are stuck in addiction, we have no idea what we like to do for fun, what makes us happy or even what makes us feel uncomfortable. Rediscover yourself!
What I value most in recovery:
The friendships and the realness. People in recovery don’t often judge as much, so I can be loved and appreciated for who I truly am and not be afraid to show the real me!
What I learned about myself:
That drugs and alcohol were not my problem, they were my solution to life. If I were to live a different life, I needed to find a different solution. If I wanted to stay sober, I needed to chase sobriety as hard as I chased drugs and crime.
What saves me from myself
As a strong woman in recovery, it is vital that I surround myself with a network of women whom I can ask for help anytime I am struggling and also be there when they are struggling, too.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
What I lost to addiction:
I lost my self-worth and ability to remember that who I am and what I want matters. I lost time. I lost self-respect.
What worked for me:
I could always get sober on my own and would often give up drinking for periods of time to prove to myself and everyone else that I didn’t have a problem. But I didn’t stay sober until I started seeing a mental health counselor and attending a 12-step program. That first year I did some group therapy, which was also really helpful.
Advice to my younger self:
Believe the online screening tools that tell you that you have a problem! Don’t be so ashamed to ask if blackouts are normal, or to confide to someone about the things that happened during those blackouts (or the fear of not knowing). Life without drinking isn’t boring! It’s even more fun and with far fewer regrets.
Rules I live by:
Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?
I don’t know anything; God’s will be done.
Hurt people hurt people. Sick people do sick things.
Acceptance does not equal approval; I don’t have to agree with everything in life.
Favorite inspirational quote:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” ~ C.S. Lewis
When cravings come:
Thankfully I no longer get cravings specific to booze, but I do get times when I’m antsy, uncomfortable, irritated, or just want some kind of release after a hard day. I go running or turn on a dance mix. I force myself to do some kind of art/creative project. I listen to a 10-minute meditation on my phone (or an SOS 2 minute one if I’m really about to lose it!). Once I start these things they might be annoying at first, but I quickly get out of my head and into my body, which is always better.
What I value most in recovery:
Being able to remember every minute of life! I’m grateful for how I get through difficulties. Now if I’m hurting and sobbing on the bathroom floor, instead of looking for a substance to take the pain away I thank God for my ability to feel feelings at all. I’m also grateful for my relationships, and being able to really show up for other people. And I value being able to laugh at myself!
What saves me from myself:
Remembering that not only do I not have to be everything to everyone, but that I simply cannot. Remembering to put my own oxygen mask on before trying to help anyone else. Sometimes it feels like a fine line between self-care and self-centered, but I really cannot support anyone else if I don’t have my own feet on the ground.
On finding purpose:
My whole life I’d heard others talk about finding their passion and being excited to go to work every day. I thought those people were faking it. Then I got my current job, where I get to work in recovery – in prevention and education for youth, increasing access to information about treatment, advocating for better statewide policies around alcohol, decreasing stigma and starting conversations at the community level – and I realize I have arrived. This is what I am meant to do. I am grateful every day.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
]]>What I lost to addiction:
My home, good friendships, self esteem, family, appearance, job
At my worst, I was:
Losing my own home, being arrested several times and being held in the cells
What worked for me:
Finding SMART Recovery – realizing that if I chose this addictive behavior then I could also choose to stop it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy mainly.
Favorite recovery quote:
You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself” ~ Glinda the Good Witch, from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
When cravings come:
Stop what I’m doing, take a few breaths, and find something else to do until it passes. I have photos in my mind that go from happy drinking – right through to lying in the street, or in the cells. Euphoric recall is a dangerous place.
On my bucket list:
Continue to gain as many qualifications as I can. Become a fully qualified counselor. Go to Jersey with the family. See Neil Diamond live.
Best advice for newbies:
Take each day/hour at a time. Don’t make unrealistic demands on yourself. Congratulate yourself on any successes instead of just beating yourself up about your “failures.” Try to be positive and do something every day – however small. Go to SMART Recovery meetings.
What I value most in recovery: I’m still here to make amends in one piece, I have my family and am reunited with good friends. Being in a position to help others and put this awful addiction to good use. Being in the right state of mind and able to study.
What I learned about myself:
That I have more resolve/strength that I thought possible.
I get inspired by:
My counselors other people in recovery, anyone who is a positive influence on my life.
Proudest moment:
Receiving my NQ Intro to Counseling Certificate, SMART Recovery Facilitator Certificate and Certificate recognizing my commitment to SMART Recovery
Thoughts on relapse:
Keep trying – take the relapse, learn from it, put it in the past where it belongs. You can’t change it – move forward and kick start again.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
At my worst, I was:
Blowing the cracks on the sidewalk on my hands and knees looking for diamonds in the broken glass. Shooting up with other people’s needles full of bloody dope, because they couldn’t find a vein.
What worked for me:
I use all disciplines . . . I have done the 12 steps in various programs 6 times.
Rules I live by:
We attract everything that happens in our lives. No matter how far you have fallen, or how little you think you have, it is more than enough to begin.
Right now is the beginning of what happens next and poverty thinking is a choice of the mind. This is the only moment we can be enlightened on the planet. Do you want to be happy or be right about your situation and choices?
On my bucket list:
To work with gang members, the police, veterans, and the NRA and teach them about my Guns and Violence Reduction 12 step Program. Give forgiveness and redemption through evoking self-change thoughts in this population.
Favorite recovery quote:
“If you do this recovery work you will have positive results and improvement. If you don’t, you get your misery cheerfully refunded” ~ Anonomous Recovery Meetings
When cravings come:
Stay accountable, measurable, observable, to yourself and your support group. Tell on yourself when you feel like a fake, fraud and a phony. Get comfortable with uncertainty and groundlessness. Surrender and be in acceptance.
Best advice for newbies:
Stay open, willing, humble, humble, flexible, and teachable with a beginner’s mind. Let go of the self-will steering wheel of your life and trust that others have good in mind for you.
What I value most in recovery:
Emotional resilience. I know that when something goes wrong, it happens to everyone all the time around the planet. I am now part of a valued world where I pray that others are free of pain and suffering. I pray that their thinking – and the collective consciousness – is capable of evoking self-change. We are all healing, because I believe it is so. Compassion does not require the participation of another person.
Follow Kowalski at http://www.matthewkowalskiart.com and http://www.matthewkowalski.com
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
At the height of my addiction:
I became a slave to the bottle. I gave up everything because the obsession to drink was constant. I lost my friends and family . . . lost many jobs, my morals, values, sense of worth, dignity and hope in myself to even live.
My rock bottom moment:
The realization that I could not manage my life anymore.
What worked for me:
SURRENDER. I tried outpatient and a 12-step program for a few years. I was in and out of sobriety. Once I finally surrendered and was completely open and willing, I went to Hazelden in Springbrook, Oregon. I detoxed for a few days, then chose to stay for a 90-day residential program. After I returned home to Hawaii, I went to at least one AA meeting a day and continued with outpatient treatment. I never stopped working on my recovery program.
Advice to my younger self:
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be who you are. Accept all the flaws and imperfections, and do the best that you can. Speak up.
Rules I live by:
Today, there are many rules I live by, but what has worked for me in most situations, and that I use almost daily, is “let it go.”
Favorite recovery quote:
“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
When cravings come:
All I need to do is think about how my life was, and where drinking got me. I also think about how far I have come in recovery, and how much I have to lose. I now have a three-year-old daughter and a fiancé. If I take a sip, I know I will lose all of it. I don’t give myself the option to drink.
On my schedule today:
I work with people in every recovery at least five days a week, as a case manager at a residential treatment facility. Everyone needs balance, so when I get home, I spend time with my family. I am so grateful every night that I can go to bed sober, one more day, and reap the benefits of being sober.
Best advice for newbies:
Do not ever give up, no matter how hard it gets. A hard day in recovery beats a good day “out there”.
What I value most in recovery:
I value my sobriety the most. I need to put my recovery first, if I don’t everything else I have today will be gone.
How I get through the holidays:
I get through the holidays with a grateful attitude. Although many people drink and celebrate, I celebrate being sober, and am proud of it! I think about the holidays as now being able to remember the memorable times I shared, instead of memories of destroying holidays.
I get inspired by:
Helping others. When I see people succeed, I feel great! It’s a win, win situation.
What saves me from myself:
Self-forgiveness is a big part of my daily routine. Sine I have learned that I am not perfect, I am constantly making mistakes, but I tell myself that it’s ok. As long as I learned my lesson, keep moving forward, and try not to make the same mistake twice.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
What I lost to addiction:
Everything. My sanity, my soul, finances, self-esteem, 101 jobs, the trust of my family, my will to live.
At my worst, I was:
A homicidal and suicidal maniac. I was an animal looking to kill and be killed. I could not tell reality from my delusions.
What worked for me:
Prayer, my faith in my Higher Power (God), the NA fellowship, getting a sponsor, working the steps and therapy. A lot of therapy lol
Advice to my younger self:
There is nothing that drinking and drugging will fix. It won’t make you feel whole or accepted, it will not bring you peace . . . I know you feel unworthy – I’m here to tell you that you ARE OK, you are worthy and no party is going to fix your hurts. Stick with the people who love you for who you are, right now in this moment. Those are the people to treasure. Try to love yourself, you are so worth all the great things in life!
Rules I live by:
Live by faith. Live real and authentically. Take care of myself first because no one is going to do that for me.
On my bucket list:
Hang gliding, cage diving with Great White sharks, traveling the world, moving to British Columbia, getting married, creating a healing ranch for abused dogs
What I value most in recovery:
How it gave me my life and my smile back! I have peace today, I sleep easily and soundly and I have people that love me, not because of what I can do for them but because they see my spirit, my glow and my shine. They see that I have a kind soul and a confidence I never had before. I am now a home owner, published author, a government employee, a Speaking Ambassador for the United Way and most importantly I am solid in my faith. Without that I would be still be a lost, broken, mere shell of a woman.
Proudest moment:
When I bought my first home two years ago and published my book last year (“Flying Free.”).
Having arrived in Edmonton with only 10 bucks, a mustard seed of faith and 41 days clean, I never thought in my life I would be where I am today. That I could save up enough for a down payment or have the endurance to write a book and yet one of my greatest gifts is my ability to write and also my gift of public speaking. I am also amazing with my finances. I am very proud of me today and don’t mind saying so in the least. It’s huge what I’ve accomplished.
Follow Hamm on Twitter @ChristineHamm2 or on her website at www.thefaithandhopeproject.com.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
At my worst, I was:
Suicidal, vomited every time I drank (I had no idea that I had overdosed and that my body was trying to save its own life). I ate speed like candy, to the point of laying on the floor with both arms clenching my chest hoping that my heart wouldn’t explode.
Advice to my younger self:
Mike, you are spiritually and emotionally fractured. Hold onto hope that one day you will find a path that will lead you to a life you cannot even conceive of . . . you will have people who love you for who you are, and you will be given a gift that will help others save their own lives too.
My rock bottom moment:
My spirit finally shattered. It was the early 1980s and it wasn’t okay to be gay. I was trying to drink myself straight and obviously it did not work. I met up with my sister and told her that I had a major revelation and that I knew exactly what my problem was: I was gay. She had the courage and love to say to me, “don’t you think you have a problem with alcohol?”
For the first time ever, I was able to see my life clearly and to see the role that alcohol and other drugs had played in my life. I said, “ I am an alcoholic, I need help.”
Favorite recovery quote:
To Thine Own Self Be True! ~ Polonius in “Hamlet”
What worked for me:
A 12 step fellowship saved my life. I came in at 21 years old believing that my life was over. Key to embracing a life of recovery were the connections I made with others – people who were my age, who showed me how to be young, sober and clean; to face what I thought were my demons; and to find self acceptance and to build self esteem.
Also vital was working the steps to understand and walk the spiritual path that is the basis of my life today. And being open minded to all pathways of recovery, in order to be available to help others who are trying to walk out of the same hell that I once knew, and truly witness the spirit come back into people who had all but lost it.
On my schedule today:
Pray for help and a positive accepting attitude, connect with others, teach, connect with others, go to a meeting, connect with others, and pray to thank my higher power for all of the blessings I experienced today.
Best advice for newbies:
Get connected, the way out is through people. If you are afraid of people, the person sitting next to you was just as afraid when they were in for a short time. What you think about yourself right now is your addiction trying to get you alone so that you will use again. Don’t drink, don’t drug no matter what. We believe in you.
What I value most in recovery:
My network. People who love and accept me for who I am and would do anything to help me in my recovery, the same way that their own recovery is just as important as mine.
Stigma I faced:
I am a leader in my community, in my school and have always been out with my alcoholism and addiction. I have never met a person who has judged me for it. However, I have faced much stigma and judgment because I am gay. It used to be so difficult because people who don’t even know me actually teach others to hate me. Today it is not worth my time.
What I learned about myself:
I am a very loving and caring person, who loves to help others find their way out of the hell I once knew. I am a respected leader in my community and at work, because I am positive and supportive of the people around me. The self-centered fears that used to drive my life are gone and although I lived in them, they were fears, they weren’t reality.
What saves me from myself:
My 19-year partner David, my network, my guys, meetings, faith, hope, love and positivity.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your insights, please contact us at [email protected].
What I lost to addiction:
My freedom for over two years, all of my teeth, trust from the people I cared about – and my life eight times on six different occasions.
At my worst, I was:
Hopeless, homeless, depressed and could not even look into a mirror because of how much I hated the person I would see.
Favorite recovery quote:
“I went from dealing dope to dealing hope” ~ David Stoecker
Rules I live by:
If you are living your life to make yourself and the people around you better, you are doing something right. If you aren’t living your life that way, you need to reassess your life.
When cravings come:
In early sobriety, I asked myself two questions: “If my son were standing right next to me, would I do this?” and “Is this something I would want my son to do when he gets older?” If I couldn’t answer yes to both of those, I wouldn’t do it. Today, I just think of all the things I have gained through recovery and how quickly they could all be gone if I were to use.
On my schedule today:
I start my day with a gratitude list, then fill my day training peers, educating the community, advocating for better access and funding for treatment/recovery supports and encouraging the use of recovery language.
Best advice for newbies:
First, look at the people you actively choose to be around and you will see what your future holds. If you don’t like the picture you see, change your friends and acquaintances. Second, you never have to use again. If that sounds good to you, make your recovery a priority.
What I learned about myself:
I learned that every horrific thing that happened to me and all of the negative choices I made led me to become the person I am. I was built from the ground up to be a recovery advocate and a #HopeDealer.
I get inspired by:
Every person in active substance use who tries to stop using, and everyone using their voice to educate and advocate to others about the reality of substance use disorders and the power of recovery.
Proudest moment:
My wedding, the birth of my two children, getting a Master’s degree in Social Work after getting my GED in prison and being recognized this year as the Missouri Mental Health Champion
What saves me from myself:
Having an open line of communication with God, knowing that if He forgives me I can forgive myself. Surrounding myself with accountability partners who give me great feedback.
Thoughts on relapse:
For some people, relapse happens and they are fortunate enough to survive it. For me, it happened multiple times and every time was an opportunity for me to learn and then apply that knowledge to my life.
On my bucket list:
To make the world a place where people who have a substance use disorder are not afraid to seek treatment and those in long-term recovery talk about their recovery openly.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
Stoecker is a leader in Missouri’s recovery movement and founder of the non-profit Better Life in Recovery, which provides community volunteer opportunities for people in recovery and sponsors advocacy and sober social events.
]]>What I lost to addiction:
Security, confidence. I lived a life filled with fear and uncertainty for many years. I spent so much time trying to control the uncontrollable and head off what felt like impending doom, that I missed out on a lot of milestones in most young girls’ lives. Much of my life was spent focused on managing chaos rather than living my own life and becoming the person I wanted to be.
What worked for me:
I began seeing a therapist when one of my children began their journey with substance use. The therapist suggested I try Al-Anon. I sobbed through my first several meetings, but I met other parents there who told me to keep coming back, that it was OK to cry, that they understood. They met me where I was . . . so broken and feeling like a failure.
One mom said, “Just for tonight, can you put your girl into God’s hands and let Him take care of her? Give yourself 12 hours to sleep and get some rest. If it feels good, you can try it again in the morning.” I felt so much relief at that idea. Twelve hours was doable. I’ve done it every day since with all of my kids and a myriad of situations in life.
Rules I live by:
Be still and let things unfold. Do what is right in front of me and try not to project into the future. Live in a place of acceptance of what my life consists of, and extend grace to those I encounter because we don’t know what everyone else is going through each day.
My spiritual awakening:
Despite my very best efforts, I had not been able to change the addictions of someone I love very much. I was depleted and broken. It was at that moment that I felt God speak to my heart and say, “You are finally here. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. All of that trying and hard work was never part of my plan for you. It’s OK now.”
I was at the end of myself, total surrender. I had never felt so loved and accepted and unconditionally cared for in my entire life. At my most broken, I found what I had been searching and striving for . . . a kind and merciful God, relief, peace, acceptance, and grace. I didn’t have to do it all alone anymore.
On my bucket list:
I dream of walking the Camino De Santiago trail with my daughter one day. A symbol of our healing and progress.
Best advice for other families:
Keep coming back. Despite how scary and foreign it all feels, know that you are learning new ways to do life.
You are being given new tools because the old ones that you were using weren’t working for you anymore. Change is uncomfortable, but if we can muddle our way through and begin to embrace the process, we can find a new life that is joyful and rewarding in ways we didn’t know were available to us.
What I value most today:
I’m so grateful to be set free from living a fear-driven life and carrying the burdens of that fear and worry. I am so thankful that I am happy the majority of the time today. I have a plethora of resources when I hit a bump in the road – people I can call and we can reason things out together. I don’t have to do life based solely on my own best ideas anymore.
Thoughts on enabling:
I think there is a lot of confusion about what “enabling” actually is. Every act of kindness is not enabling. Meeting your loved one where they are and accepting them in that place, understanding that they behave like someone who is stuck in a disease – because they are – set me free to love people where they were. Their recovery or lack of, was not about me. Loving them is not enabling.
What saves me from myself:
Helping others helps me to not wallow in my own stuff and keeps me out of my head. I work in a service position, I volunteer helping other families whose lives are being affected by addiction, I attend meetings regularly and hear other people’s stories – all of which help me to gain perspective.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
At my worst, I was:
Homeless on the streets of Richmond, Virginia. Working day labor jobs to support my habit and eventually incarcerated for the third time for simple possession of cocaine. Total loss of family support, loss of great I.T. jobs.
What worked for me:
Praying to my higher power (which I choose to call God) in a jail cell – which led me to becoming a member of an Adult Drug Court Program for 18 months.
I applied the 12-step approach and followed directions from a sponsor while practicing the spiritual principles of the program in an Oxford House environment. Community service work at a homeless shelter was also a vital part of my recovery process.
What I value most in recovery:
I am truly grateful for the opportunity to raise a family at this stage of my life while being in Ghana. I have been in active addiction since the age of 21 and I started my long term recovery at the age of 46. Never married nor had any children. I’m currently 60, with a wife and three children and another one in the ‘oven’ while being very pro-active in the Recovery Movement here in Ghana.
Rules I live by:
Trust in God, continue to improve myself to be the best I can be, and be of maximum service to others. Stay away from those old using playmates, using playgrounds and using playthings. Never be too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
Favorite recovery quote:
“Keep Coming Back, More Will Be Revealed” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous
It took me 17 years to catch on to this new way of life with the 12-step approach and stay abstinent from alcohol and cocaine. I had to keep coming back to the rooms, stay connected and involved with the fellowship and apply the 12-step program of action – and gradually my life began to transform into the man I am today.
Best advice for newbies:
I understand there are many different pathways to recovery. I believe and trust in the process of the mutual support group (12-step) approach. I would encourage the newbies to take your time. Easy Does It. Don’t try to catch up, just catch on to this new way of life. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, find a home group, do the step work with a sponsor, and get a service commitment.
What saves me from myself:
Truly knowing and understanding that there is a God and it is not me. Staying humble meaning staying teachable and staying in position . . . Recognition of the old self when it rears its deceptive ugly head and practice the spiritual tools learned in the program. Reciting the Serenity Prayer, direct praying and meditating . . . letting go and letting God run the show.
On my schedule today:
I awaken and thank God for another day of life, making a commitment not to use drugs or alcohol just for today. I read the 12-step meditation for the day. I counsel persons in treatment and sponsor several persons in long term recovery living in the “Oxford House Model” sober living houses that I helped to establish in Accra, Ghana.
Proudest moment:
Witnessing the birth of my son Kofi Leroy in Ghana and passing my International Certified Addiction Professional Certification Exam while in Ghana. I had not been in a classroom in almost 20 years.
Thoughts on relapse:
Once I had realized I had a serious problem with alcohol and drugs, it took me 17 years to finally get it right . . . each time I relapsed, my circumstances got worse, never better. I kept coming back by the grace and loving righteousness of God until the program got a hold of me. To those who are struggling….. Don’t try to catch up, just catch on. Easy Does It!
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].
Merriweather works with Recovery Africa and Hopeful Way Foundation, and has helped more than 50 Ghanaians find long-term recovery since 2009.
]]>What worked for me:
Spirituality was my saving grace. I found it in a sweat lodge in prison. I knew I was never going to use drugs and alcohol when I emerged from the sweat lodge. It was the most intimate, beautiful, enlightening, heartfelt experience I had ever known in my life. I had a spiritual awakening.
Advice to my younger self:
You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. The trauma you experienced as a child was not your fault.
Rules I live by:
Make peace with your past. The only person in charge of your happiness is you. You. If you don’t like something, change it.
Favorite recovery quote:
“Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs” ~ American writer Joan Didion
On my schedule today:
I am a certified Recovery Coach with a full schedule of clients. I help people in either maintaining their recovery, or people walking in and are under the influence at that given time. Whatever I can do to help a person struggling.
Best advice for newbies:
This is not a race, it is not a marathon. Recovery requires giving up the instant gratification. Learn patience and tolerance of yourself and others.
Thoughts on relapse:
The thought will not disappear, it’s not going to for awhile – it was wired into the brain long ago. One cannot suppress it. The point is to observe it with conscious attention. It is no longer a need, only a dysfunctional thought.
What I value most in recovery:
I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own skin. That is priceless.
I get inspired by:
People who have had a trauma-filled life, who learn that they can come out on the other side with a sense of purpose.
On my bucket list:
I wrote a memoir about my life, “Sick as our Secrets.” The good, the bad and the ugly. I am trying to get it edited so I can get it published. I strongly feel as though it can help save some lives.
What I learned about myself:
I was not a bad person making bad choices, but a fundamentally good person who because of my unresolved pain, anger and insecurity acted destructively.
Proudest moment:
When I obtained a Governor’s Pardon for my three felonies. I knew that I had changed, but for the State of South Dakota to recognize that was – and is –
huge for me.
SHED THE STIGMA:
If you’re a person in long-term recovery who wants to share your
insights, please contact us at [email protected].